Depressed with or without alcohol

I haven’t had a drop of alcohol in over a year and yet I think my depression has returned.

That sucks.

I haven’t changed my medications since I quit drinking either. It’s the same cocktail of Celexa, Wellbutrin and Klonopin that I’ve been taking for at least 2 years.

My husband hates that I quit drinking and got into recovery. Well, at least that’s how I see it. I go to AA meetings now. I talk to my sponsor on the phone. I don’t rely upon him as I did. He is hurt and acts detached or angry, depending on the day.

I hate myself. I feel I’m a burden to my husband because I don’t manage the finances well and I’ve been out of work for a few months. I imagine life would be easier with me gone so he could have his full retirement. He doesn’t have a lot life insurance on me because I’m not the high earner in our household. He could carry on fine without me. Comfortably even. Probably be able to retire in the next 5 years.

I’d like to know if he could meet our budget? He seems to think it’s my choices that cause us to go over each month. I don’t take his criticism well. I get defensive and withdraw.

I wish I could vanish and not deal with life right now.

3 responses to “Depressed with or without alcohol

  1. southafricanwhitegirl

    I’m so sorry 😦
    I don’t mean to be flip, but I’ve recently discovered that sugar makes me depressed…. has your sugar intake maybe changed?

  2. Budgeting is something I struggle with too. It’s hard on a marriage, but there are always solutions. Depression can still happen in sobriety, unfortunately. It sounds like time to see your doctor about possibly changing meds. Do you see a therapist? Might be helpful to talk some of this through with a professional. You’re worth it.

    • Thanks for sharing your thoughts. I do see a therapist and I’m on antidepressants. This is a thinking problem that I haven’t learned to change when I’m under stress. I’m a work in progress and some days are better than others 😊

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