Self-medication and depression

Depression is creeping back in through a side door.  I should have seen it coming.  Even reading my most recent posts on this blog are clues that it was making a reappearance.

Ruminations.  Negative self-perception. Exhaustion even without alcohol.  Hating my husband and my life.

I saw my therapist on Saturday and she raised the Wellbutrin to 100 mg. and lowered the Klonopin to half a 0.5 mg pill.  I continue to take 20 mg Celexa.  Lynn must think my depression is worse and the Klonopin is making me tired.  It’s been 4 days with a higher dose of the SSRI and still not feeling better.  My plan is to continue lowering the Klonopin but since I use it to sleep I fear insomnia so I’m tapering off gradually.

My resolve is down and I am weak right now.  I broke my 100-plus streak of sober days and drank on Saturday night.  It’s odd how I really don’t feel that bad about it.  In fact, I liked the tranquility.  Sad but true, self-medication is what I know when my thinking turns against me.

♥ Daylily ♥

5 responses to “Self-medication and depression

  1. Hang in there. I turned to drinking a few days ago as well. Not drunk, but a definite buzz to numb the dark thoughts. Sorry you’re suffering. Try not to be too hard on yourself.

  2. I have used alcohol to deal with depression. My doctor consistently advises me that alcohol is a depressant, which I understand logically just not always emotionally. I am so glad you are not beating yourself up over the drinking. It’s the guilt that kills us in the end and makes us spiral out of control. Take care of yourself. And be kind to yourself.

    • Thanks for the kind and caring words. You’re right, self-defeating thoughts can really wreck havoc! I’m trying to believe everything happens for a reason and I’m growing right now from my experiences.

  3. Know you are in my thoughts and prayers. I still believe in you 🙂

Would love a reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s