I’m going to do it TODAY. I will go to therapy in one hour and open up about my 25 year marriage and all of the bitter resentments that entails. The marriage is actually 8 months shy of 25 years. The enormity of 25 fucking years is incomprehensible. Holy shit. How did I survive that long in this marriage?
Merriam-Webster first defines “enormity” as “the state or quality of being utterly evil.” The second definition is “the quality or state of being very large.” I intended to mean the second; however, in addressing my resentments I would have to go with definition number one!
I feel I’ve allowed my husband to make most of the big decisions in our lives and now I hold onto anger that the house we’ve lived in for 20 years is not the one I wished for and the neighborhood was never where I envisioned raising my children. Shutting up and taking it is why I’ve been drinking.
This should be an enlightening therapy session. My fear is that once the words come out I will go into a tailspin of anger and bitterness. So, my plan is to protect the marriage by not overreacting with my husband. I intend to start by opening the can of worms in therapy but not cause undue strain and friction with my husband by being reactionary. I will protect both his self-esteem as well as my own by working through things with Lynn.
I can’t think about where this will lead me. For now it is the right time to bring the subject of resentments up in therapy. No more; no less.