It’s about time I faced my resentments

I’m going to do it TODAY.  I will go to therapy in one hour and open up about my 25 year marriage and all of the bitter resentments that entails.  The marriage is actually 8 months shy of 25 years.  The enormity  of 25 fucking years is incomprehensible.  Holy shit.  How did I survive that long in this marriage?

Merriam-Webster first defines “enormity” as “the state or quality of being utterly evil.”  The second definition is “the quality or state of being very large.”  I intended to mean the second; however, in addressing my resentments I would have to go with definition number one!

I feel I’ve allowed my husband to make most of the big decisions in our lives and now I hold onto anger that the house we’ve lived in for 20 years is not the one I wished for and the neighborhood was never where I envisioned raising my children.  Shutting up and taking it is why I’ve been drinking.

This should be an enlightening therapy session.  My fear is that once the words come out I will go into a tailspin of anger and bitterness.  So, my plan is to protect the marriage by not overreacting with my husband.  I intend to start by opening the can of worms in therapy but not cause undue strain and friction with my husband by being reactionary.  I will protect both his self-esteem as well as my own by working through things with Lynn.

I can’t think about where this will lead me.  For now it is the right time to bring the subject of resentments up in therapy.  No more; no less.

♥ Daylily

2 responses to “It’s about time I faced my resentments

  1. Good for you. Get it out there. One thing I have learned about therapy is that the entire hour will not be enlightning or eye opening or amazing but hopefully there will be little nuggets of truth or support that you can walk away with that will help. Good luck. I look forward to your next post.

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