Doubling SSRI brings relief from depression

One week ago today my therapist increased my SSRI, Celexa, from 10 mg to 20 mg.  The effects are obvious.  My worries have been lifted.  Not kidding.  Peace has befallen me and it didn’t come about from mindful meditation, exercise, cutting back on my drinking or weight loss.  All it took was a little white pill that’s smaller than the eraser at the end of a pencil.

I’m reminded of my “about” page where I assert my depression is no more than a chemical imbalance of neurotransmitters.  For a bit, I lost sight of that belief.  My effort at changing thought patterns required me to look hard at my negative thinking and that in itself caused a spiral downward into depression.

I’m a bit worried because this time was the worse yet.  I gave into a sense of helplessness like never before.  But, on the flip-side, for years I’ve envied people with mental illness who are able to express themselves and put it all on the table.  I’ve lived a closeted life of depression and it’s been quite isolating.

Last Monday was a first; I exposed that part of me to a few close people in my life and I felt embraced and supported.  I feel liberated!  It feels like a miracle has taken place.

In-a-nutshell, I do not feel anxious about anything.  I am my calm, rational, even-keel self.  When I was on Paxil I enjoyed this feeling for about 3 years before I got tired of the weight gain and lack of sex drive.  Let’s not go there!

For now, I will enjoy the calm waters.  I need a break from the turbulent ocean I’ve been crashing around in.

“Nobody can bring you peace but yourself.”  Ralph Waldo Emerson
I take credit for making this reprieve occur.  Whether it’s seeking my therapist’s help, calling my mother or doing a shit-load of grief work at the radical forgiveness workshop, it happened because I am actively pursuing a better state of living.  I am determined to continue exercising, meditating and easing up on the alcohol. ♥ Daylily

8 responses to “Doubling SSRI brings relief from depression

  1. This is good news. Maybe it is still worth working through all that stuff, mindfulness, excersise, drinking, etc, while being buoyed up by the Celexa? It can be very hard to do good effective work from the darkness. Just a thought. I am happy beyond words that you have found some peace.

    • I can’t wait to go to exercise class tonight and see if I’m even stronger since my mood lifted. I’m trying to fight the habit of drinking. And, I am determined to stay on the path of mindfullness. Last night I listened to a cd that asked me to focus on a stressful moment in the day and I had to dig deep to think of one. Of course I could think of something and I focused on it and then released it. Meditation is a good way to let go of anxiety; if you’ve never tried it I recommend it.

      Look at me. I must be feeling better because my words are flowing so easily!

      I appreciate all of your support. –Daylily

      • I was introduced to mindfulness several years ago as a tool to manage anxiety. I wasn’t buying in at first, but it was shockingly effective.

      • It’s not for everyone. It requires one to believe our thoughts do not make up who we are and that can be a stretch in thinking. I like that basic premise and it works for me because my thoughts are generally riddled with negativity. If I can get passed all that — it’s a good thing!

  2. Wow..Pretty deep. *speechless*

  3. I find it very exciting that you have found a medication that is actually helping you…that’s wonderful! Thanks for sharing your journey in such an open and honest way. You are touching a lot of people and you are a great encouragement to me personally. ❤

    • Well, thanks for your comment. I don’t know how to handle feelings so the medications are nice because they work like a volume nob. I still have a hard road to plow in terms of cutting back on my vice and/or stopping all together. I continue to drink on the weekends and it is one of those coping habits that I have always used to release emotional stress. I haven’t learned to let it go and for that I am not as healthy as I would like. –Daylily

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