Alcohol and depression

This blog initially was about depression and I realize these days it’s been more about my drinking. I considered opening a new blog for this piece of my life but I’m going to keep it all in one place and attempt to integrate my issues. I may lose some readers who don’t have a drinking problem. That’s cool. For me, drinking and depression have viciously cycled around me. I never learned how to treat my depressive/self-defeating thoughts without alcohol. The time has come; it’s here and it’s now.

∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞

I didn’t last the weekend without a glass of wine, in fact I drank much more than what’s usual for me. The stress of giving up booze caused me to drink extra. How ironic. However, I see positive changes occurring, despite the slip-up. My life right now is moving 2 steps forward and one step back. I am making progress simply because the clouds of denial are clearing and I see my drinking for what it is.

Through my eyes I observe a woman who can’t stop after 2 or 3 glasses of wine.

I admit the “glass” recycle bin in my garage has an extraordinarily large quantity of wine bottles, definitely more than the average household.

What else am I admitting?

Sleeping too much correlates to drinking too much.

A direct effect of my alcohol abuse is decreased productivity in my work and home life.

True, it’s not good that I drank after abstaining for 6 days but it beats the times when I was drinking every night.

This weekend I’m shooting higher and going to attempt the death-defying feat of not drinking at all. (Okay, it’s not “death-defying”, more like “terrifying”).

How do I plan on succeeding? I am taking my issue out from behind closed doors.

Last night I went to an alcohol dependency support group and spoke openly about depression and coping skills.

This weekend I have a workshop on mindfulness and I don’t want to go hung-over so my hope is I will stay sober.

Next week I’ve looked into beginning yoga classes.

Frankly, the isolation I feel in this thing called My Life — centering on my job, my husband, my kids and household chores — is a major trigger to drinking. I have to get out of the house and make more of a life for me. School meetings and professional obligations do not count. This weekend will be a step in the right direction for a life that is waiting for me.  A life where my needs matter.  I’m not looking for miracles, just to make it through a weekend without bingeing on wine. It sounds so simple but simple it is not. Daylily

13 responses to “Alcohol and depression

  1. I am really happy to read this. I know you can do it.

  2. You are writing all the right things. I pray that you can do it! As for me, I may have to end up punching a “friend” in the face when we get together this weekend. He don’t understand – we’ve been drinking together for 30 years.

    I couldn’t imagine going to a mindfulness course out of my mind. Stay sober please! And thanks for the encouragement you gave me on my last post. Take care!

    • Thanks for commenting. It is so nice to know I’m not in this alone. If you have to punch this “friend” maybe he’s not such a friend after all. Good luck with that and try not to bruise your knuckles!

      Daylily

  3. Thank you, this post came at exactly the right time for me.
    All my life I assumed I drank because I was depressed and now I’m having to face the reality that I was depressed because I drank. It’s not easy to separate the two.
    Well done for going and speaking openly about things and I wish you the best of luck in the future,

    Nicola.

  4. Hi. Discovered your blog the other day and actually it’s quite confronting reading for me – in some regards our lives have been very similar.

    I’ve done things the opposite way around to you. Self-medicated with alcohol for many years to numb depression and general unhappiness, and kicked it (for good) 18 months ago. Now, of course, I’m having to deal with all the depression and unhappiness I’ve been hiding from for the past several years.

    Well done for giving up the booze! No easy task.

    Mairzy

  5. I really enjoy following your blog, reading about your struggles with alcohol and depression. Congratulations on taking such positive steps – you can do it!

  6. Daylily, you precious girl. I’m so glad you’re writing about ALL of you. If you lose readers (which I don’t think you will) then they need to go. You really amaze me with your tenacity. In the middle of this struggle you’re telling the truth, do the hard work, and looking for more ways to be helped. I’m inspired by your strength. Numbing is a hard thing to give up, but you’re learning to replace numbing with healthful ways of coping, and that will turn into incredible THRIVING. You might not feel like it, but you are doing great. Healing while creating new habits is very hard work. Every meeting you make, every new activity you pursue (yoga is awesome, by the way), and every word of truth you type – whether it’s about a choice to drink or a choice to do yoga – each one is step closer to freedom. Celebrate each step…I’m cheering you on! Hugs to you.

  7. I wish you the best at quitting drinking. I know it is a very challenging road. I don’t know if it would help, but I recently read a memoir called “Let’s Take the Long Way Home” and while it is a story of friendship, a big part of the book is the author’s struggle with alcohol. The aforementioned book deal with the friendship of two women, both of whom struggled with alcohol and quit before they met and their friendship began. The friend in the book, Caroline Knapp, wrote a memoir about her struggle with alcohol called “Drinking: A Love Story,” which I haven’t ready, but is supposed to be really soul bearing. Both of these women come out on the other side of drink and overcome it. Perhaps you could relate to their journeys or even find inspiration as you continue to work through your challenge. Best of luck to you!

    • Thank you for the book suggestions. I do like to read and I read “Drinking: A Love Story” when it first came out. That’s how long I’ve recognized I use alcohol in a not so healthy way. I have not read the other book and I will write the title down and look into it. Thanks!

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