This blog initially was about depression and I realize these days it’s been more about my drinking. I considered opening a new blog for this piece of my life but I’m going to keep it all in one place and attempt to integrate my issues. I may lose some readers who don’t have a drinking problem. That’s cool. For me, drinking and depression have viciously cycled around me. I never learned how to treat my depressive/self-defeating thoughts without alcohol. The time has come; it’s here and it’s now.
I didn’t last the weekend without a glass of wine, in fact I drank much more than what’s usual for me. The stress of giving up booze caused me to drink extra. How ironic. However, I see positive changes occurring, despite the slip-up. My life right now is moving 2 steps forward and one step back. I am making progress simply because the clouds of denial are clearing and I see my drinking for what it is.
Through my eyes I observe a woman who can’t stop after 2 or 3 glasses of wine.
I admit the “glass” recycle bin in my garage has an extraordinarily large quantity of wine bottles, definitely more than the average household.
What else am I admitting?
Sleeping too much correlates to drinking too much.
A direct effect of my alcohol abuse is decreased productivity in my work and home life.
True, it’s not good that I drank after abstaining for 6 days but it beats the times when I was drinking every night.
This weekend I’m shooting higher and going to attempt the death-defying feat of not drinking at all. (Okay, it’s not “death-defying”, more like “terrifying”).
How do I plan on succeeding? I am taking my issue out from behind closed doors.
Last night I went to an alcohol dependency support group and spoke openly about depression and coping skills.
This weekend I have a workshop on mindfulness and I don’t want to go hung-over so my hope is I will stay sober.
Next week I’ve looked into beginning yoga classes.
Frankly, the isolation I feel in this thing called My Life — centering on my job, my husband, my kids and household chores — is a major trigger to drinking. I have to get out of the house and make more of a life for me. School meetings and professional obligations do not count. This weekend will be a step in the right direction for a life that is waiting for me. A life where my needs matter. I’m not looking for miracles, just to make it through a weekend without bingeing on wine. It sounds so simple but simple it is not. ♥ Daylily