Talking myself out of therapy…

I will see Lynn again on Saturday and I desperately want to cancel my appointment.  I feel that she doesn’t care about me because I don’t leave our sessions feeling built up and stronger.  I walk out of therapy every week with a deeper sense of self-loathing.  It seems like I’m talking about my problems and she is agreeing that they are indeed issues that I must deal with.  When she asked me, Why do you self-sabotage?  I felt bad that she has to point that out without following up with kindness or reassurance.  Lynn talks about my drinking and tells me not to take the Klonopin if I drink.  It’s as if she cares more about my behaviors than the reasons for my actions.   How come she is so to-the-point and direct?  I’m very hard on myself and I question the therapeutic relationship because I feel like this therapist is hard on me, too.

Am I seeing this clearly or are my thoughts distorted by my mental illness? Is the problem with me? Maybe I’m just mirroring how I feel when I see Lynn.

Or maybe Lynn really hates the sessions, too.  I’ve been to many therapists and this is the first one that doesn’t ask me helpful questions that make me feel understood.  Am I asking too much for her to offer words of reassurance and kindness?  Instead she always ends exactly on time and gets me out of her office like I was on a conveyor belt.

Do I go on Saturday and tell her that our therapeutic relationship is not working?  How does a patient tell a therapist the treatment feels wrong?

If you know the answer, please respond.

♥–Daylily

11 responses to “Talking myself out of therapy…

  1. Self-sabotage is a tricky thing, especially when you are aware of it, because sometimes you aren’t sure when something is actually wrong or you are creating the feelings.

    I think you need to talk about this with Lynn. Do you feel like your recovery is being stalled because the therapy is making you feel worse?

    Do you find the reassurances and kindness to be helpful? If so, tell her that you need that.

    Talk about how you leave the sessions with feelings of self-loathing. Maybe she is using a different technique than previous therapists and you guys just need to talk it out. It’s also possible that you have thoughts/feelings she hasn’t considered, or she has insights you haven’t realized.

    Good luck!

  2. Tell Lynn you don’t feel supported. If you want something from therapy tell her what it is. Maybe she can give it to you, maybe she can’t. But it doesn’t seem like you’re asking too much at all. If anything, you don’t think you deserve better. I wish you had a relationship like I have with my therapist. Its intense and hard sometimes, but something I love and long for. Please, talk to Lynn. It is not going to change unless you do. -Sparrow

    • Thank you for the words “I dont feel supported.” That is how I feel and Ill try starting out with the session with that.

      I wish I could rely on a professional like you can, too. it’s always been my downfall that I don’t like to put my feelings out there in case I get hurt. But, keeping them to myself also hurts me. I’m glad you trust your therapist. –Daylily

      • I was exactly the same, not putting my feelings out there, and I kinda still am, but it gets easier. I’m glad you feel like you have something to go into the discussion with, and don’t just give it up, it is not silly. -Sparrow

  3. Day, you are too smart and there is something stirring inside of you telling you that this relationship is not working.Perhaps another therapist would be better. You know that you know. You are intuitive and sense something. I believe in you, girl. Go with your gut.

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