Post that gets the most hits on my blog is…

Husband doesn’t believe in my depression. It sucks to have a mental illness and be around people who believe it’s all in your head.  But the proof is that there’s a 3rd person telling us we aren’t as bad as we feel, people do love us, we have a job where we are needed or a husband or child who depend on us.  On a deep level we know that every single one of us is born equal.  Our behaviors or thoughts do not change our inner goodness.  Then, we ask ourselves, why am I depressed, feeling worthless and unloved?  I sincerely believe there is a chemical imbalance in our brains that causes ruminations and self-defeating thought and behavior patterns.  Most often early trauma can cause faulty wiring but it can also be as simple as genetics.

Due to all the hits about husbands doubting the diagnosis of depression I feel compelled to say that even if no one else you know believes in “mental illness”  that doesn’t mean it isn’t so.  Doctors, nurses and therapists all know it is a real illness.  There’s no need for shame or self-blame when it comes time to seek help, regardless of whether you get support from your close family and friends.

I’ve been on a path of healing from early trauma and depression for 3 decades.  My husband doesn’t believe in medication but I do.  I have a doctor and a therapist that also believe in the efficacy of antidepressants.   The family I grew up in can understand it on an intellectual level however, I feel judged as being weak for needing antidepressants.

I don’t fight about my medication with my husband or my family of origin because I do not seek them out for support with depression.  Occasionally I’ll bring up my depression with my husband but he will usually reply with a quick answer like, “Maybe it’s that you are getting too much sleep.”  In my head I know I’m sleeping too much because of depression but I don’t argue with him.  I go and tell my therapist or my best girlfriend.  Acknowledgment of your pain and suffering is very important when you don’t have immediate family and friends supporting you.   You can love your family regardless of their ignorance and get help elsewhere.  ♥ Daylily

6 responses to “Post that gets the most hits on my blog is…

  1. Bingo! This is such a great post – thanks for sharing it. Getting support outside of family is important for healing. Glad you listen to your own voice and have stepped outside your inner circle. Good for you…:)

  2. Dear Day…I know we are two different people and, if this were me, my partner’s support would be very important. His acknowledgement of my illness would perhaps help me to recover. Thanks for sharing, once again. Keep on.

    • If I had one wish in my life or if I could do-over one thing, it would be to have a husband that was sensitive to a person’s feelings which would make him more understanding of depression. But, that’s not how the cards played out. My husband is great with intimacy, sexuality, being a strong provider, an active dad with our boys, financially savy, generous to no end, devoted to me and our kids and commited to our marraige. Did I mention he loves nice jewlery and vacations? When I met him 30 years ago I feel in love with him for his sensitivity and kindness. But, as he’s aged he has become more pragmatic and direct in his approach. That’s okay because I like my men to take charge and be strong so I accept that he just doesn’t get what depression is all about. It’s not a deal breaker for our marraige that he believes I don’t need medication. I say so what? He is not into psychology so I don’t go there with him. He probably wishes I would exercise more and loose weight so he could have a wife that still looked youthful and in shape but he doesn’t bring that up with me. He accepts my middle aged body for what it is just like I accept his lack of understanding about depression. Marraige is compromise, give and take and acceptance. Nothing in life is perfect although I am jealous of women who have that guy that asks how was your day and can offer psychological support. If you’ve got that you are a lucky woman! But, I’m not walking away from the good things I do have with my hubby.

  3. Daylily, What a lovely name. How is it you came up with it? On another note, thank you for visiting my blog. If I might address this post, I say, “brava.” We go where our needs are met. Not where we want/demand/expect them to be met. I too have clinical depression. I have been off and on meds for eight years. I’m not making it up my condition. I’m better on the meds and it’s okay with me if no one in the family understands. Keep up the good work. You’ve found solutions that that’s what matters.
    with love,

    • Daylily is a favorite perennial of mine but it also signifies the fleeting beauty of things. Each bud on a daylily stem blooms for only one day. Sometimes I feel like that and every morning I must start over. Sorry for the downer but thank you for your support of my family situation. It is what it is and I accept it. xo Daylily

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