A positive comment on my blog today came at just the right time. You know when you feel there is some divine intervention? That’s me, right now. Peace has settled upon me and it is the most wonderful feeling. I got a sign that assures me that my life is going in the right direction.
The comment was from http://gurus4life.com written on June 28th (no longer the top of blog so scroll down). I followed the link and came upon a brief post called “Relationship Math 1+1=3”. As you see from the photo I’ve attached I have a small ceramic wall hanging with that saying. I received it from my grandmother when I got married 24 years ago.
The ceramic artifact was handmade in a monastery in CA. Now remember folks, my extended family is focused on academics and intellect but there is also a religious component to their lives. For me, this is my way of connecting emotionally both to my family of origin and with current relationships. It is a connection on a spiritual level where there are no words and the connection is on a higher plane of reasoning. (Kind of like truly believing and living the words “agree to disagree.”)
This epiphany just came to me so bear with my ramblings. I get along with everyone and have learned to also feel true to myself by realizing relationships are 3 parts. Intuitively I know this. My stuff + your stuff and then how all that stuff comes together. To make a relationship work whether it is my husband, my children or my mother, I must understand and acknowledge my needs, their needs and accept that when the relationship comes together not all of the needs will be met but it is a compromise, a coming together in the middle.
Okay so that being said, where’s the divine intervention? My Grandmother was, in a way, my spiritual advisor and gave me the emotional support I lacked within my unemotional family. She took me to a priest and healed my infertility by teaching me to let go of my need to control. (Here’s link to the post, but beware, it is long and wordy) https://mydepressionchronicles.wordpress.com/2012/05/01/a-letter-to-my-unborn-son-3/ .
Unfortunately, she died a few years back (ironically on Valentine’s Day). I believe she was the picture of a highly evolved human. She was unselfish and humble. She was wealthy but lived in a “poor” neighborhood for her whole life and never showed off. Her husband, my grandpa, died before I was born, but she never stopped calling herself by his name and referring to him as her husband, even though she out-lived him by 50 years. She never worked and devoted her life to helping others. She adopted a foster child that became a nurse. She taught religious programs in her church and hung a cross in her window. She also wore a cross every day. She gave me a book by Thomas Merton and told me the person in the bible who has taught her how to live is Mother Mary. Her favorite song was Amazing Grace.
Let me get back to the meaning behind the icon. My grandmother stayed 3 nights at a monastery and that is how she came to get this “teacher angel” I was given on my wedding day. I have often looked at it and thought of her and wondered what she was trying to tell me. At times, I would only see the numbers and think “1+1 does not equal 3.” Other times, I would think, she must want me and my husband to have a baby so we become 3. For years, I took the equation literally.
But, as I’ve evolved I came to believe the icon signified marriage is 2 people plus the love God blessed us with on our wedding day. The verses in Corinthians 13 about Love is patient love is kind, etc.
I hope I’ve not lost you in this religious reverie because I’m not a devote anything. I believe in compassion and mindfulness but my roots do come from a religious upbringing.
The calmness that has descended upon me is that a long-standing question has been answered. 1+1=3 means my needs are important, as well as my husbands and equally so is the relationship we have together that is a mix of both of our needs.
Now, I’m really going to lose some of my readers but I believe my grandmother is still teaching me long after she died, at the healthy age of 96. The icon she gave me has wings, not because the 3rd person in the equation is God’s Love but that my lovely grandmother is my angel, always guiding and watching over me in this life. ♥