I took control of my situation and the wallowing mood miraculously lifted. I no longer feel wounded by my son’s rejection letter. First, I took the good advice of a fellow blogger who wrote “just leave it.” Such simple words but when I ruminate on something it is the hardest thing in the world to let go of the worry. I consciously and deliberately changed my perspective. I realized giving into the sadness was making things worse and I needed to distract myself. Funny how yesterday I felt that would be like betraying my true feelings. But, if I don’t like the feeling or mood I’m in, it makes sense to try to get out of it. Perhaps this is a move in the right direction with regard to dealing with the patterns I fall into when depressive symptoms rear their ugly head.
The first thing I did was make my son his favorite lunch and his “thank you” brightened my day. I decided to do nice things for him and look at all the great qualities he has and that I can support. We did not talk about his soccer club the entire day. Second, I planted sunflower seeds in between some lily plants that run along a stone wall in my yard. This simple act of working in the dirt, sowing those seeds, gave me renewed hope for the future. Those little seeds will grow into tall flowers, as long as I give them a little water and fertilizer. The rest of the day went well and I grew in my conviction that rather than feel bad for my son, why don’t I tell the club soccer team my thoughts.
So, last night, after everyone went to bed, I wrote and sent off a long letter to express the disappointment I had over my son’s removal from his premier soccer club. I won’t go into the boring details but I will say writing the letter was cathartic. I went from feeling helpless to powerful. This team charges a lot of money for their expert coaching and facilities. My letter was balanced between praising the coaches and having questions about their decision to cut my son. I include a small portion of the letter so you get the idea…
My son’s [referred to as T.] reasonable assessment at try-outs was that the playing field is becoming more competitive and he must work hard to keep his spot with your club; however, as skilled as T. realized the other players were, he believed he was equal with the new players trying out. It is with these questions in mind that my husband would like to follow-up with a phone call to clarify what the specific criteria was that excluded my son from continuing as a player in your club. Of course, we realize the field is competitive. But, once you chose T. as a player, it was our understanding that you saw his potential as a promising player. We won’t argue your decision to cut our son but we do respectfully ask for an honest assessment of your decision. Whatever you can share with us will help make T. a better soccer player in the future.
Thank you for taking the time to read our thoughts. Please let us know whom we may call and speak with personally to further discuss the club’s decision.
I wrote about 6 paragraphs similar to that, stating all T. did with the team, his recent injury, etc. I have not heard back and don’t expect to for a few days but I will follow-up if they ignore me. Today I mentioned the letter to T. and he asked why I did that. I explained the club charges a lot of money and they must be held accountable. I told him the letter was professional and friendly, not mean or critical.
T. and I had planned on taking a long walk together but after that conversation he said he would only do it if I didn’t talk soccer. I agreed and, in the end we went for a bike ride. Shorter than he would have liked but because I am so out of shape, every hill felt like a mountain! The time spent with T. was worth the pain I’ll feel in my quads tomorrow.
I am fortunate to have my summers off but tonight I have a meeting. It is a routine board meeting where I am the director. This means, most issues and questions ultimately rest with me, but I’m not supported or appreciated by this board so it will be a laborious hour or two of necessary business mixed with professional pleasantries. The board will also present me with my contract for next year and it’s already been hinted at that there in not enough money for an increase in my salary. They want quality but they don’t want to pay for it. I will recommend the board of directors consider closing down if they can’t afford to pay fair wages for quality personnel. That will not go over well!
But, I’m in a place in life right now where I will speak my mind so that I don’t turn frustration and anger inward where it will fester and become depression. ♥