These are my past journals, which I’ve diligently written in for 33 years. The writings you see at the bottom are loose leaf paper from early school days. Little by little, I spent more money and bought the exact journal for my mood. The final unfinished one is the largest black leather book you see. I stopped journaling when I began blogging, but that didn’t stop my desire to save everything I wrote.
Would you believe I printed out every blog post and began to make a loose leaf binder to capture these past months?
Now I am asking myself, “Why?”
The very simple answer is my written words were cathartic and the act of journaling was conducive to healing my wounded heart. I recall Fred Roger’s (a children’s tv personality) saying, “What’s mentionable is manageable.” Instead of speaking out about my painful childhood, I tried to gain a sense of understanding and acceptance by writing about childhood sexual abuse and my sense of emotional repression.
I realize the mission was accomplished. I no longer need to work on my past and the time has come to let it go — the final act being a ceremonious book burning.
I am not sure how or when but I have decided there is no question of “if.” I will need to find time alone and with summer here and the kids around that might not be easy.
My tentative plan is to throw them all in the campfire pit after my kids have had a weenie roast or marshmallow roasting. The fire will be hot and they will have moved onto other activities.
It is time to live in the present, without dragging around my shameful feelings from the past. Ultimately, I believe this will help promote a more optimistic future.
I came across this quote online, “Your past is important but it is not nearly as important to your present as the way you see your future.” (T. Campolo) ♥