Good sex with a survivor of sexual abuse

My life has been crazy-ass busy. I wish I had time to sit back and reflect but it’s one of those time’s in life where every day is fast-paced and my evenings are busy getting caught up for the next day. It’s not over yet either. I’m involved in some big community-wide events and they are coming to fruition soon. I will be able to breathe a sigh of relief later this month; until then, there’s no rest for the weary.

I’ve also been traveling every weekend: I went to a graduation in NY, a visit with my mother up north and a soccer tournament down south. Basically, I’ve been all over the New England states. I love the states but I don’t love traveling. Aside from my visit to my mother’s, the trips were with the whole family, which was good. My boys are getting older and my husband has so many of his own hobbies – it’s rare for us all to get together for extended periods. These days, the longest time we spend together is dinner, which might last 30-45 minutes.

My husband and I spent a lot of time together at the soccer tournament and that was great. He and I sat in our soccer chairs together and hung out in the hotel with the other parents, socializing, while the boys ran amuck. The weather was perfect, hot and sunny, and many soccer fans (specifically the women) were scantily clad. I say this because in the hotel room my husband was all over me, but with the kids in the same room I held him off. I don’t have the figure I did when I was 20 but he got an eyeful of women that do. I would watch his eyes follow a tight-ass walking by and ask him, “Is there something interesting to look at over there?” He would smile and respond, “I’m not dead yet.” Or he would say, “It doesn’t hurt to look.” I just smiled, secure in his love for me. Let him look – as long as he doesn’t touch.

Once we returned home from the weekend, he and I sent the kids to their rooms and, as is typical for me, I went to bed early to read my book. If you follow my blog you will know my husband and I have been married almost 20 years and he sleeps in a separate room. Not for lack of love but because we both get a better night’s sleep. He snores and I wake him constantly to ask him to roll over plus I don’t like to be touched unless my head is in the right place. (Survivor aftermath bullshit). As you might imagine, this sleeping arrangement leads to less sex but not less good sex.

Well, back to the story…

Husband follows me into the bedroom and starts licking, kissing and touching me all over my body. I try to get into it but after some time passes, I realize he is getting pleasure from my pleasure and this antidepressant I’m on makes it impossible for me to have an orgasm au natural. He goes and gets my new vibrator (which he had not tried out yet) and continues working toward his goal. I can tell this sex is motivated by his fantasies of all the women he was watching all weekend. There’s no kissing or hugging – it’s an animalistic craving for a woman’s body. Lucky me, I’m his woman because when he gets like that he doesn’t quit trying to please me. Unfortunately, it’s still not happening and I apologetically moan, “These meds make it hard for me to come.” I’m basically giving him an out, if he wants to move onto his own pleasure. But, he becomes more determined and pulls out a dildo hidden away (that he bought me years ago). I don’t have to do anything but lay back and let him do his thing to me. My pleasure is his. How perfect is that relationship? As a survivor of sexual abuse, I don’t think it could be better than to be with a man who is concerned only about my enjoyment. (Unquestionably, the reverse of what occurred to me as a child under the hands of a masochist.) I ended up having a major climax and then he did what he likes to get himself off. Okay, if you must know, he loves to jerk off all over my face. Hey, it was the least I could do in return for his hour of diligent effort. (Sarcasm, folks, if you don’t know my humor. I’m laughing at the thought of such an understatement. I give him 2 minutes for his one hour!)

When it was over he jumped right up and got me a towel. How thoughtful is that? By the time he had returned, I had already wiped off with my camisole shirt but the act was sweet. Later, I kissed him and told him he gets an A+ for determination. These medications make it hard to come but with patience, persistence and high-powered toys nothing’s impossible.

Moral of the story – even a survivor of sexual abuse can feel in control and enjoy intimacy. For men, the moral is, rewards will come to those that are patient.♥

2 responses to “Good sex with a survivor of sexual abuse

  1. whenever I read your blog I just want to give you a big hug, well here you go – http://sparrowinthesnow.wordpress.com/2012/06/02/how-do-these-award-things-work/

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