My husband has been getting suspicious of all the time I’m on my laptop because I’ve been evasive about what I’m doing. After a few glasses of wine (me only) on Friday night I said, “Do you want to know what I’m doing on my computer all the time?” He nodded so I replied, “I have a blog.” He responded with a blank stare so I asked, “Do you want to know what it’s about?” He nodded again and said, “Yeah.”
“It’s called my depression chronicles and I write about depression.” I told him how many views I’ve had and that it’s fun. (Believe me, I know my blog isn’t anything special but it is special to me so it was BIG to share this information with him).
He turned back to the television show he was watching and didn’t say any more. I suspect he put 2 plus 2 together and now knows what I do up in my office, where I’m spending more time than I ever have before, since beginning this blog/journal back in November.
Saturday night he offered to take me to dinner without the kids. He’s been very busy with his hobby lately so I think it was his way of making up for how occupied he’s been. This is a rare event and usually only occurs on our anniversary. We went to a pub and sat in the bar where he had a Guinness and I had a glass of wine. It’s unusual that he joins me when I drink so this was a real treat for me. I talked non-stop about the kids, my job, my friend that I dumped, etc. Midway through dinner he said, “So, you want to tell me more about this depression blog you have?”
I asked, “Did you go on it and read what I wrote?”
“I wouldn’t know how to find it,” he said.
I’m thinking all you have to do is Google it but I didn’t say as much because I’m not sure how I feel about him reading this blog. He knows me well and after our 28 years together he wouldn’t be surprised but he may not like some of the private stuff I share. Correction, I know he wouldn’t!
Well, I told him I write about my medications and my fluctuating moods. He said he watched some news show that claimed antidepressants don’t work any better than placebos. We didn’t agree on that point but at least it was out in the open that he feels that way. I asked him if he noticed how angry I was a couple of weeks ago. He said, “You are always mad about something and I never know if it’s depression, hormones, menopause or your migraines.” I tried to tell him I’m not always mad but I guess he sees it that way and hasn’t a clue what triggers it. Poor guy.
I assured him that my blog is not to write about him in a complaining fashion. I have told him this before and I told him again, “Relationships are hard and never perfect so no matter who I’m with I still have my own crap that I carry with me.” It wouldn’t be easier or better with anyone else. He responded that it was the same for him, too. Ah, love reaffirmed!
He didn’t ask for the blog address and I didn’t offer. Ever since I’ve known him he doesn’t like to read unless it’s a manual about something. I used to write him letters when I was upset to try to explain how I felt and he just didn’t understand why a person would do that. He works 50 hours a week and his days off are filled with his own interests so I know he wouldn’t want to read my blog even if he knew how to get to it. Just as well for both of us.♥