Let me just say, the Wellbutrin is awesome — I’ve got more energy in the morning and I’m finding that I’m getting busy work done that I’ve pushed aside for months. That is good news.
The Klonopin is a different story. It’s making me extremely tired and I don’t really feel less anxiety. I did some research and found that I am on a very low dose, 0.5. I honestly think a couple of glasses of wine would work better than the Klonopin and I’d get the sensory satisfaction out of a cool drink on my lips.
Remember, I tell myself, you are trying not to drink. Alcohol is a depressant and you want to heal your depression.
So, at 4:00 pm yesterday I took the liberty of doubling the dosage of Klonopin. Well, upon doubling the med, I was sleep walking around the house, barely able to keep my eyes open and I could swear I was slurring my speech. Perhaps not but it sure felt like it. I was asleep by 10 pm and awoke at 7am feeling rested and ready for the day. But, by 2 pm today I became so damn tired that right now, 6 pm, I can hardly type the right letters on this keyboard. Definitely feeling neurologically depressed. Truth be told, I kind of like the dopey exhaustion but it’s not normal for me.
I am curious about what Klonopin does for a person? Is it supposed to make you feel high, like you smoked a joint or had a couple of glasses of wine? I feel like that’s what it is doing for me. Is that why I’m taking it and I question if that is a legitimate reason? I’m not certain if I’m supposed to be popping the Klonopin to feel buzzed. It doesn’t quite feel right.
I don’t take the med in the early part of the day because it will give me a buzz and I don’t want to be high at work or in a social situation. If I wanted that why don’t I keep downing the wine? Aside from the negative health impacts of alcohol, I don’t see the difference. [Author note-I don’t drink during the day and that is why I’m trying the Klonopin in the late afternoon, when my anxiety floods me].
Tonight I’m not going to drink wine (or any alcohol) and I’m going to skip the Klonopin. The real reason is that I’m so damn tired from the double dose I took yesterday that I think taking it tonight would send me right to bed and the same for any alcohol. My husband is out for the evening so I’ve got the kids to feed, homework needs to get done and I’m responsible for making sure the kids make it to bed at a reasonable hour. However, I’m counting the hours before I can hit the hay because I’m exhausted.
I’m thinking the Wellbutrin may not be working fully if I am still getting anxious in the early afternoon. It’s “SR” so it should be sustaining the effects all day. I want to ask my therapist if increasing the Wellbutrin might be a better idea than me taking Klonopin in the afternoon.
A third thought is I could be tired from the Wellbutrin. The dose was increased 10 days ago so it could be at full strength now.
We’ll see how I feel tomorrow afternoon after skipping the Klonopin. If I’m less tired I’ll chalk this exhaustion up to the anti-anxiety medication.
I despise the side effects of all of these medications. I have to play psycho-pharmacologist while I’m in the midst of a depression and that, my friends, is not an easy feat.