Good news, if you’ve been following my blog for the last couple of days, my headache lifted after a good nights’ sleep. The prednisone and Tylenol 3 did the trick and I slept soundly last night. I went to bed at 11:30 and I didn’t wake up until I heard my dog barking at some deer out the window at 7 am. I had to get up anyway because I had a therapist appointment at 9:00am so I wasn’t too mad at her.
I put it all on the table in therapy today and I was teary and emotional with Lynn. Tears flowed due to the fact that the Wellbutrin is not easing my depressed thoughts. When I told her I believed the Wellbutrin may even be making me lack emotions she suggested what I was experiencing was depression itself. She offered to take me off the Wellbutrin so we could get back to baseline and then if I still felt depressed I would know it wasn’t the Wellbutrin causing it. Lynn said I could abruptly stop at such a low dose. The hope I had for this drug to work on my depression made it hard for me to give up on it so easily, especially since so many personal stories swear by the lack of side effects. Lynn and I thought maybe I felt crappy from the antibiotic (which I’m now off) so I agreed to fill a prescription for Wellbutrin SR 100 mgs. I feel good about this decision, I think.
She also wrote me an RX for Klonopin because I have a big nighttime event this week at work and I’m anxious about it. She told me to try a Klonopin today around 3:00 to see if my anxiety lifted for the evening. I’m glad I have that option now if I feel really stressed out. Linda said I will like the effects of Klonopin. However, I have yet to fill either of the RX’s.
I wanted a glass of wine tonight and I promised Lynn I would not drink on the Klonopin. So, I bought a bottle of wine, even though my husband was harping on me that I shouldn’t because I’ll get another migraine. I told him “I’m a grown up and it’s not illegal.” He responded, “Don’t complain to us [him and my 2 boys] tomorrow when you feel like crap.” I know he’s right but a depressed mind doesn’t always do what is right. I only had 2 glasses, which for me is usually a great feat of self control. Honestly, since I got off Pristiq I do not crave alcohol like I used to and I seem to be able to stop at a reasonable amount. While I enjoyed the wine, I managed to clean up some of the Christmas decorations and pine needles that were still scattered around my house. Now if I can just get my weight and high blood pressure under control and most importantly, find the magic medication for my depression.
Lastly, I was pleased that Lynn said she would like to see me next week and not wait 2 weeks, like we’ve been doing. I guess she saw my depression was seriously present and wants to help me. I didn’t even have to ask but by crying during the session, maybe I did. I left her office feeling hopeless and really bummed out. The sadness was about how I have no joy in my life and everything looks pretty miserable. Going to Lynn brings it up to the forefront and seeing it in my face gets me weepy. Most days I feel like crap but I don’t cry about it because I bury it and just go through the motions. Well, at least I’ve got a plan of action to help me get through the next week.