Last night I meditated and a sense of ease followed in its wake. I felt like I should read one of my books to “do it right” or follow along with a cd before starting my first meditation since getting off antidepressants. Instead, I decided to wing it and try sitting quietly in a dark room with only one lit candle. Initially, I was really tense and negative thoughts kept intruding into the stillness so I began doing simple neck rolls and shoulder lifts, plus some deep breathing, old yoga poses and stretches, all with my eyes closed. Miraculously, after about 15 minutes, I began to feel comfortable and free in my body. It was like a boulder was lifted from my shoulders and I had less anxiety. Afterward, I was so tired and relaxed that I couldn’t even read which I do every single night. I climbed into my bed and I fell right to sleep. How wonderful to feel peace and contentment.
I believe there is something to this meditation. If I allow my body to relax into a non-aroused state it allows all of the physical tension in my muscles to relax. This helps blood flow, especially to my brain, which has a faulty kink in it and doesn’t get some chemicals that I need to feel contented and without worry. Perhaps I have to consciously go to this place I discovered while meditating, a place without anxiety and tension in order to ward off depression.
If only it were that easy. I think not. I woke up troubled by negative thoughts and worries at 3:00. I could not stop the racing thoughts and needless worry. Depression? Is that you?