Emotional Rollar Coaster

November 8, 2011
7:15am — Slept like the dead – yippee! Last night I went to the bathroom at 10 pm and never woke up again until 7am. I haven’t done that in months. No Tylenol and no Lunesta to get me to sleep and no alcohol to disturb my sleep. I suspect it was working a very long day and not taking the Pristiq before bed.

Not sure why but a major migraine with aura hit me at 8:30 am. The blurred vision was the size of my head. Had to go to work but I couldn’t drive. I took 4 Ibuprofen and 1 Sumatriptan (generic Imitrex) and sat in a chair with my eyes closed … and waited. After 10 minutes I got a Coke from the fridge and eagerly drank it. Usually caffeine + Ibuprofen + Imitrex will knock out a migraine. By 8:50 I was good enough to drive the short distance to work. Now I wonder if I slept so soundly due to head disturbances. (I get migraines during time changes due to circadian rhythms. Don’t ask me to explain why but over the years, it’s proven true).

I got thought the day but when the afternoon rolled around I saw my period had begun. This and the time change wreak havoc on my physical and mental state, so much so that I cannot tell in all certainty if the withdrawing from Pristiq is causing my anxiety or if it is due to other factors.

Again, 20 hours since my last Pristiq I started getting the head streaking feeling when I turned my head. I took another ½ Pristiq today at 4:30. Felt better but groggy and unfocused.

This is supposed to be the last day for Pristiq, I think. If Lynn said 6 days I’m guessing that would mean 3 more doses. Not sure and not thinking clearly about the days. Let’s see. Took one the 5th, skipped the 6th, took one the 7th and I think I took one tonight, the 8th, thinking I had skipped yesterday because I feel dizzy and crappy. OOPS. I’ve lost track and can’t even remember if I took one tonight. That’s how bad I feel. Shit and God damn these meds. I get so annoyed that something that is supposed to help me can screw me up so much. What the hell is that all about???

Well, I will skip tomorrow and see how I feel. I will also immediately write down when I take it.

I may have to taper down if it proves too uncomfortable. I hate feeling dizzy.

My anxiety was over the top tonight. My kids are usually pretty good and I tolerate their juvenile behaviors. I try to teach them right from wrong with an even tone and a non reactive discipline style. Not so this evening. When my 10-year-old son came home from school he played outside on the wet grass in only white socks. I didn’t know this until I saw those dirty socks kicked off haphazardly on the steps and in the foyer and I became over-the-top angry. This is not like me but I screamed at him that it’s not my job to put his dirty socks in the hamper and, I said, “When you were little I never let you run around in just your socks and you are not going to start now.” Once was not enough. I said again, “I taught you when you were a preschooler we don’t get our socks all muddy and you’re not going to do it now!” “Do you hear me?”

I hear myself being angrier and I know it’s not really how I want to be acting but I’ve lost the usual self-control I have. PMS? Withdrawal? Anxiety? Depression? I only wish I knew.

10pm – I will force myself to get in bed so I get a good night sleep. I don’t need sleep deprivation on top of all the other issues going on.

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